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Expect the Unexpected

6/10/2013

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6/9/13 

Expect the Unexpected

As we move from moment to moment, through the waking part of our daily lives, we make predictions about what will come next. 


We begin the day by guiding ourselves through the morning routine; counting on hot water for the shower, and food in the refrigerator for breakfast. Our expectations are, that everything that was present, accessible, or functioning last night when we went to sleep, will be just the same, when we awaken . 

This reality forecasting is an ongoing, unconscious process; usually absent from awareness until something goes wrong.

In our complex reality, where each day holds numerous demands; we rely on things going smoothly to meet our obligations, and goals. When the car doesn’t start, the computer has a virus, or someone has eaten the last of the strawberries counted on for breakfast, we feel unsettled.

When this happens, we can cause ourselves great suffering.

Blaming, criticism and anger often appear. “What inconsiderate person ate those strawberries?” “Why didn’t I install the anti-virus program sooner?” “I know the mechanic at the car dealership just ripped me off....”

 We may also feel an increase in anxiety and begin to predict terrible outcomes: “There isn’t anything else for me to eat, I’ll have to go hungry.” “My boss will be furious that I am late, and probably fire me.” “Its going to cost a fortune to fix that car...”

“Expect the unexpected” is a mindfulness slogan from the Tibetan tradition. It is an invitation to cultivate a fluid attitude toward reality, which is reflective of its true nature. Every person, being, atom, and event are changing in every moment. It comforts us to feel that the world is solid and predictable, but doing so can result in anxiety and stress.


When we encounter something unusual or unpredicted, the mindful position is one without judgement. The child’s mind says: “How interesting! Not at all what I expected. Hmmn, what is the offering of this moment?
 An empty silence where the sound of the car ignition was expected. I am mindful of the feeling of surprise and the desire to begin my journey.
 I embrace the opportunity to find out what is wrong with my car...”

Or; I can’t find the onions in the supermarket. I notice these onion-like things. I take in the visual beauty of their unusual leaves, letting go of disappointment and frustration. “I wonder how these taste?”


This position of openness, which allows us to refrain from anxiety, criticism and anger, offers us great benefit.


Breathing in I am aware of my breath.
Breathing out I am open to this moment.

Breathing in I open to reality unfolding.
Breathing out I drop expectation.

Breathing in I open to the unexpected
Breathing out I invite whatever is offered

Breathing in I relax.

Breathing out I move mindfully to respond.



May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman
© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, 
all rights reserved.
Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of 

 Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 


For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.





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The Exquisite Melody Within

6/2/2013

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6/2/13 

 The Exquisite Melody Within

Some days sitting to meditate is like entering a room filled with a vocal concert of loud and disorganized tones. In these moments, of mindful meditation, intended to be empty and restful with silence and stillness; the door may be opened to the voices of a multitude of compelling conversations.

Listening to these voices we may notice, criticisms, worries, fears and regrets.

Each singer in this recital can invite us to join in a unique melody. Some of these songs may seem pleasing and some may be upsetting or painful, but all of them lead away from this moment and the heart of meditation. Regret is the melody of the past. Worry, anxiety and fears are the ballad of the future. 

We can hear and understand, but we

are not required to sing. Hearing the tones, we know them for what they are. In choosing to stay present, we might move into a new room filled with a melody of no notes.

Here, in this space we can shed criticisms, regrets and worries. The beauty of our innate nature can be felt, heard and seen. A gentle touch of kindness and compassion allows us to experience the beautiful heart of who we are. The petals of the flower slowly open, and  the inner spirit begins to sing.

Breathing in I am aware of my breath.
Breathing out I am present.

Breathing in I notice the sound of my inner voices.
Breathing out I choose to remain silent.


Breathing in I let fears, criticisms and 

regrets fall away.
Breathing out I embrace simple being.

Breathing in I touch my inner essence
Breathing out I rest in this moment

Breathing in I open to joy
Breathing out my heart sings.


May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman


© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.

Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of 
 Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 

For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.





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Embrace Whatever Occurs

5/27/2013

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5/26/13 

Embrace Whatever Occurs
There is something deeply satisfying about a summer storm. The dramatic cloud formations; charcoal, ash, pearl and cotton.
 

Sometimes a great wind arrives with a wild mixture of cool and warm gusts, tossing branches and leaves; putting early summer flowers in disarray. 

When rain falls, the drops will be surprisingly heavy and thick. Everything touched begins to glisten in the dark light. Deep heavenly rumblings may occur with startling electric exclamations, illuminating a universe, drinking.

Here is my choice in this moment. Close down with disapproval, disappointment or fear. Oh, I don’t like getting wet. Why can’t every day be “nice”? Thunder and lightning scare me.

So easy to cling to sunlit days of brilliant color and gorgeous blooms. This is something other, than that.

My mistaken belief says that I must armor myself against the unknown or the unpleasant. My negative thoughts are meant to protect me from pain, discomfort, or whatever danger may occur. Instead they become a dark veil, preventing me from seeing clearly; preventing me from drinking deeply, now.

If I open my arms to the majesty of this moment and embrace it all, how ecstatic I might feel. A doorway has opened to the unfolding of the universe and I have been invited. Shedding my cloak of aversion, I may enter.

Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am glad to be alive.

Breathing in I notice fear and aversion.
Breathing out I hold my aversion with compassion.


Breathing in I open to the majesty of this moment
Breathing out I embrace my experience.



Breathing in I look deeply
Breathing out I see with clarity

Breathing in I have arrived
Breathing out I am home.



May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.


-Ellen Adelman


© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved (text and photo).

Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of  Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 




For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.



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Mindful Eating

5/19/2013

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5/19/13 

Mindful Eating

Fast food has become a way of life for many of us. Everyone knows that most of this food is not considered healthy. But “fast” is the pace of our lives, and we all run to catch up.

How and when we nourish our bodies is often defined by how little time we put aside to do so. Even those who refrain from burgers and fries, often feel pressed to eat in a considered or mindful way.

Just as we experience a disconnect between the food on supermarket shelves and the process of their cultivation in the fields; we also forget the link between how we feed our bodies and our resulting level of health. What is the effect of eating lots of processed or genetically modified foods? Does it make a difference if we don’t get the right proportion of carbs to protein to fats?

For many of us, it feels too burdensome and time consuming to consider.

If we begin to look at our physical beings as sacred entities to be cherished and cared for, we may start to change the way we feed ourselves. Engaging in mindful eating is a way of honoring the great gift we have been given; our bodies. It is an integral part of MBI
tm practice and helps us reduce physical and emotional suffering.

You may benefit from the following practice. To do so,you will need to set aside some time to eat, and relax into the experience.
You may notice feeling satisfied sooner and you may be surprised that you need less.

Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am aware of the food before me.

Breathing in I smell the aroma of the food.
Breathing out I notice thoughts about the food.

Breathing in I notice the colors, textures and patterns of the food.
Breathing out I am grateful for the bounty on my plate.

Breathing in I look deeply into my food
Breathing out I see sun, rain earth and clouds within each morsel.

Breathing in I take a bite into my mouth

Breathing out I relax into awareness of taste and texture.

Breathing in I experience delight.
Breathing out I swallow.

Breathing in I come back to the breath.
Breathing out I feel fulfilled.



May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman

© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.

Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of  Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 

For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.


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Refreshment

5/13/2013

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Refreshment
When the sun is dancing on the leaves and blossoms are lit with some internal glow, we are invited to live in this moment. 
Cares fall away with the errant breeze as we are drawn into the compelling cadence of life.
Just, in this mindful moment, birdsong tickles the ear and the blood sings in response. 
Now, again, and again; rhythmic melody without thought, a clear resonance; the sounds of the natural world.

We breathe with the grass and the sun and the endless blue sky; knowing without knowing. It just is. Even without words; especially without words, the suchness of it, is.

Trees populate this sanctuary. Willowy and thick. Graceful and strong; young, ancient, evergreen and deciduous; dripping with spring blossom or bud.
I bow to one behemoth and ask

permission to join.
Granted, he says.

Tenderly, I place my palms on the calloused bark. As I breathe in, the evergreens  fill my nostrils with aroma. Energy begins to stream into my palms, 

warm and tingling. I am filled with the essence of this tree-being; flowing like sap into my veins, filling me with life force, wisdom, and a deep gladness.
 Right now. Right here.



And when the sharing is done, we come apart. 
I bow again. My gratitude, Lord...


And when the long deep drink is over, a thirst for what is real has been quenched.

Glorious!





May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman

© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.

Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of  Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 

For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.








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 Your Critical Witness

5/5/2013

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     To Know and Love Your 
           Critical Witness

There are many aspects of ourselves living in our internal world. In MBI tm we call these “characters”. One very powerful character is known as the Critical Witness. This is the part of us who observes our thoughts, feelings and behaviors and offers a running commentary on same. The nature of this self-talk is usually critical and is often delivered in a harsh or even a demeaning tone.

   Where does the Critical Witness 
    come from?

 The psychology of the Critical Witness is easy to understand. Everyone needs an internal character who will observe and help us choose the right path. The development of this part of ourselves begins when we are toddlers. 

As infants we are unable to get into much trouble, but as soon as we can crawl and walk, that changes. We go from a world of “yes”, where the smallest sign of need or want is cared for by Mom and Dad; to a world of “no.” 

Toddlers can do lots of dangerous things like touch hot stoves or swallow small objects. Our young, inexperienced   parents must begin to say “no” to us. 
They often do so in loud and angry ways, because our behaviors frighten or distress them.

Some, more skillful parents are able to balance the “no’s” with affirmation and kindness. Those children have Critical Witnesses who are less harsh.

Who is the Critical Witness?

These young anxious parents are our template for the Critical Witness. We take them inside and keep them close, so that we can develop the ability to watch out for ourselves.

Deep down, most of us experience these critical observations as an expression of being seen and cared for by “someone”. This is important because we all want to be acknowledged and to be loved.

Yet, it is harmful to be constantly
evaluated in a negative way. It effects
our self-esteem, our ability to be present, 
to take risks, to grow and to experience joy. We may even select friends and life partners who treat us in the same critical ways, because this is familiar and somehow comforting.

How Compassion Heals

We cannot simply “get rid” of the Critical Witness. That would be like putting our young, anxious parents out on the street. But we can help them grow up into kind, objective observers; someone you would call a very good friend; someone who is always available to help and guide you.

This transformed Critical Witness (CW) is called the Benevolent Witness (BW).
 When we insist that the CW speak kindly to us, we invite that transformation. When we reassure our young anxious parents that we are okay, the CW calms down and can offer compassion back to our tender-hearted selves. The transformation begins!


Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am aware of my Critical Witness.

Breathing in I feel the sting of being criticized.
Breathing out I am calm and open.

Breathing in I invite mindful awareness to come
Breathing out I am held by my Benevolent Witness.

Breathing in I feel the concern of my young anxious parents
Breathing out I send them loving kindness.

Breathing in I reassure the critical part of myself
Breathing out I relax into compassion

Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am open to be loved.



May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman
© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.




Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of  Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 

For more information  on Mind Body Intelligence classes, visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.








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Mindful Sex

4/28/2013

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Mindful Sex



When holding our beloved, we set them free; when letting go, we embrace them with loving-kindness.
Healthy relationship between lovers is like a beautiful dance. There is a natural rhythm of coming together and moving apart; clasping and releasing, holding and freeing. All of this occurs with great tenderness and respect.

The act of love is a mirror 

The physical act of love reflects the nature of the relationship we have with our beloved. We take into account the needs of the other person. We honor our own needs. How receptive are we toward each other? How open and curious? 

Each touch, each caress reflects the quality of the love residing between the two.

Looking deeply into love-making
Although some may say that love-making is about physical pleasure, mindful sex is so much more. Giving and receiving pleasure mindfully, 

creates a pinnacle of essential awareness; allowing us to know the beloved and ourselves in the very same moment. Sensation and movement in this loving ritual can be the gateway to a deep experience of one-ness; perhaps more exciting and meaningful than simple physical pleasure.

The responsibility of joining
When we join passionately with another human being, we are immersed in responding. We are pliant in the face of the great 

energies that emerge. We are together and separate; at one with 
the other and yet wholly centered.
 

We take great care of the needs of the two; that are the needs of one. 
We enter into the moment with compassion and an open heart; creating the opportunity to engage

in a sacred act of oneness and joy.


Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am aware of my beloved's body.


Breathing in I feel my sensations.
Breathing out I am calm and open.

Breathing in I feel my beloved's sensations
Breathing out I know myself deeply


Breathing in I release expectations
Breathing out I am one with my lover

Breathing in I am open to pleasure
Breathing out I am whole.




May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman

© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.

Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of  Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 


For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.




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Just Like Me

4/21/2013

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Just Like Me.

Walking along the streets of center city Philadelphia. Businessmen in suits on their cell phones, ardently pitching to someone unseen. Stylish women in heels with hair beautifully coifed, carefully navigating the uneven cement. Homeless people with cardboard signs; please help. Hipsters and Thirty-something ladies with up-scale strollers, or their bearded male counterparts with baby in a carrier on their chests. Slim and heavyset, young and old, walkers and joggers; all going somewhere.

Just like me.




We don’t connect

Most of us walk with eyes cast carefully down. Some look into their phones as they walk and text, or into the face of a partner. We don’t look at the Homeless person for fear they will ask for money. We don’t gaze into the face of anyone who seems threatening or too different. We move purposefully, avoiding contact with other human bodies and traffic; going wherever it is that we are going.


What if we knew each other?

What would happen if we recognized each other as human beings? What if we felt a sense of community and one-ness? Would we be comforted; perhaps less afraid?
 Would we naturally feel greater compassion for each other, and less anger and aggression? 


Just Like Me

If you go out into the world with the intention of experiencing one-ness, you may receive a very great benefit. Smiling just a little, into the eyes of other beings as you send loving-kindness with your mindful out-breath, is an amazing experience. Fear and criticism of the other diminishes as you realize with every step: “Just like me that person has a destination. Just like me, she wants to cross the street safely. Just like me, he is hungry for lunch. Just like me, she wishes someone would help her.”


Breathing in I am aware of the breath.
Breathing out I enter this moment.

Breathing in I am aware of everything around me.
Breathing out I am calm and unafraid.

Breathing in I smile to the world around me
Breathing out I notice human faces.

Breathing in I know; they are just like me
Breathing out I send loving-kindness

Breathing in I am one with everyone
Breathing out I am home.


May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.


-Ellen Adelman

© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.

Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of 

Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 

For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.




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Rejoicing in Spring

4/14/2013

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Rejoicing in Spring: 
Winter Creates the Space of Being.

Robin red-breasts are digging for worms in the greening garden. The magnolias are heavy with purple and cream-colored buds, as cherry blossoms scent the crisp spring air. None of these dharmas are able to come into being, without the cold contraction of Winter.
In the seemingly barren landscape, life withdraws to some secret place, and in so doing, creates the potential for birth and Spring.

Pulling back allows a new reality to flow into experience.
 Often we do not trust in the process of creation; operating under the illusion that we must fill up space and time for new things to emerge. We believe that winter is a time of loss and emptiness, and suffer from the illusion that we are involved in the manifestation of Spring (or the next thing we desire). 
Yet, the space created by winter’s contraction is the essential ingredient for new life, and the emergence of this wonderful moment into our awareness. 

Asking Questions invites Mindfulness
When we ask the questions: Is this the most efficient way?; the healthiest way?; the most earth-friendly way?; the most loving way?  We are gently contracting from assumptions and conditioned patterns of thought.
 In the space that is created, clarity, new insights and realities emerge; but first, just as Galileo and Isaac Newton before us, we must be willing to give up a narrow, conditioned world view.

Reacting with Aversion
When our relationships are filled with established or rigid patterns of interaction, there is little possibility for healing, growth or love.  Forgetful thinking allows experience to fill our conscious awareness completely. We understand ourselves to be one with our thoughts and feelings, as if they were the whole of reality. Hearing something hurtful from a friend, a parent, or a spouse, we may leap to defend ourselves or even to attack the other person. We are filled to the brim with pain.

Contracting Awareness like Winter
 When we focus on the breath and contract our awareness to a single point, just as winter contracts; we can invite the seed of mindfulness to come and flower like a gorgeous spring blossom. Insight flows into our spacious awareness and it becomes possible to choose a compassionate and wholesome response.

Breathing in I am aware of the breath filling my body.
Breathing out I experience the space of 
no-breath .

Breathing in I invite the cool emptiness of Winter.
Breathing out I open to the infinite possibility of Spring.

Breathing in I invite the seed of mindfulness and compassion.
Breathing out I take good care of my hurt feelings.

Breathing in I intend to act in mindful ways
Breathing out I take good care of my relationships


Breathing in I invite the cool emptiness of Winter.
Breathing out I open to the infinite possibility of Spring.


May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman
© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.

Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 

For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.




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Psychotherapy and Meditation

4/1/2013

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Psychotherapy and Meditation: 
How do they fit together?

As meditation practice has become part of the mainstream, talking about mindfulness meditation and therapy in the same breath has become more common. Famously, the book “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert has the heroine enjoy both practices, as she journeys through her difficulties to a greater understanding of who she is becoming, and what she needs for a happy life.

Many psychotherapists have incorporated mindfulness-based practices into their treatment. 

Some types of mindful therapies are: Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Mind Body Intelligence (MBI). These treatments all have some connection to Buddhist Psychology and meditation practice.


Common Threads
One of the common threads is the empowerment of the patient to be an active partner in their own healing. Meditation practices can help develop a more compassionate observing self ( called the Benevolent Witness in MBI) and help reduce suffering by encouraging a greater comfort level with one’s own thoughts.

Patients suffering from anxiety can learn how the breath and concentration meditation can significantly reduce their discomfort. Patients who are experiencing depression can develop mental strategies that allow for greater flexibility in thinking, and a more wholesome outlook on their lives.


Mindful Movement
Patients who suffer from physical problems or chronic illness also benefit from these therapies. Practices like MBI that include Qigong (the parent tradition of Tai Chi) offer pathways to connect with the potential for healing the body-mind. Meditation combined with mindful movement and healing imagery has been shown to have a significant impact on physical health. 
 For more on this topic, I encourage you to click here.
Developing a compassionate meditation practice can become a source of insight and joy in anyone’s life. For those who are suffering, mindfulness-based psychotherapy can provide a powerful path to healing.



May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.

-Ellen Adelman

© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.

Mind Body Intelligence
tm is a trademark of Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute. 

For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.

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