
To Know and Love Your
Critical Witness
There are many aspects of ourselves living in our internal world. In MBI tm we call these “characters”. One very powerful character is known as the Critical Witness. This is the part of us who observes our thoughts, feelings and behaviors and offers a running commentary on same. The nature of this self-talk is usually critical and is often delivered in a harsh or even a demeaning tone.
Where does the Critical Witness
There are many aspects of ourselves living in our internal world. In MBI tm we call these “characters”. One very powerful character is known as the Critical Witness. This is the part of us who observes our thoughts, feelings and behaviors and offers a running commentary on same. The nature of this self-talk is usually critical and is often delivered in a harsh or even a demeaning tone.
Where does the Critical Witness
come from?
The psychology of the Critical Witness is easy to understand. Everyone needs an internal character who will observe and help us choose the right path. The development of this part of ourselves begins when we are toddlers.
As infants we are unable to get into much trouble, but as soon as we can crawl and walk, that changes. We go from a world of “yes”, where the smallest sign of need or want is cared for by Mom and Dad; to a world of “no.”
Toddlers can do lots of dangerous things like touch hot stoves or swallow small objects. Our young, inexperienced parents must begin to say “no” to us.
They often do so in loud and angry ways, because our behaviors frighten or distress them.
Some, more skillful parents are able to balance the “no’s” with affirmation and kindness. Those children have Critical Witnesses who are less harsh.
Who is the Critical Witness?
These young anxious parents are our template for the Critical Witness. We take them inside and keep them close, so that we can develop the ability to watch out for ourselves.
Deep down, most of us experience these critical observations as an expression of being seen and cared for by “someone”. This is important because we all want to be acknowledged and to be loved.
Yet, it is harmful to be constantly
Some, more skillful parents are able to balance the “no’s” with affirmation and kindness. Those children have Critical Witnesses who are less harsh.
Who is the Critical Witness?
These young anxious parents are our template for the Critical Witness. We take them inside and keep them close, so that we can develop the ability to watch out for ourselves.
Deep down, most of us experience these critical observations as an expression of being seen and cared for by “someone”. This is important because we all want to be acknowledged and to be loved.
Yet, it is harmful to be constantly
evaluated in a negative way. It effects
our self-esteem, our ability to be present,
to take risks, to grow and to experience joy. We may even select friends and life partners who treat us in the same critical ways, because this is familiar and somehow comforting.
How Compassion Heals
We cannot simply “get rid” of the Critical Witness. That would be like putting our young, anxious parents out on the street. But we can help them grow up into kind, objective observers; someone you would call a very good friend; someone who is always available to help and guide you.
This transformed Critical Witness (CW) is called the Benevolent Witness (BW).
When we insist that the CW speak kindly to us, we invite that transformation. When we reassure our young anxious parents that we are okay, the CW calms down and can offer compassion back to our tender-hearted selves. The transformation begins!
Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am aware of my Critical Witness.
Breathing in I feel the sting of being criticized.
Breathing out I am calm and open.
Breathing in I invite mindful awareness to come
Breathing out I am held by my Benevolent Witness.
Breathing in I feel the concern of my young anxious parents
Breathing out I send them loving kindness.
Breathing in I reassure the critical part of myself
Breathing out I relax into compassion
Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am open to be loved.
May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.
-Ellen Adelman
© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.
Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute.
For more information on Mind Body Intelligence classes, visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.
How Compassion Heals
We cannot simply “get rid” of the Critical Witness. That would be like putting our young, anxious parents out on the street. But we can help them grow up into kind, objective observers; someone you would call a very good friend; someone who is always available to help and guide you.
This transformed Critical Witness (CW) is called the Benevolent Witness (BW).
When we insist that the CW speak kindly to us, we invite that transformation. When we reassure our young anxious parents that we are okay, the CW calms down and can offer compassion back to our tender-hearted selves. The transformation begins!
Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am aware of my Critical Witness.
Breathing in I feel the sting of being criticized.
Breathing out I am calm and open.
Breathing in I invite mindful awareness to come
Breathing out I am held by my Benevolent Witness.
Breathing in I feel the concern of my young anxious parents
Breathing out I send them loving kindness.
Breathing in I reassure the critical part of myself
Breathing out I relax into compassion
Breathing in I am aware of the breath in my body.
Breathing out I am open to be loved.
May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.
-Ellen Adelman
© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.
Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute.
For more information on Mind Body Intelligence classes, visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.