Water and Stone: Mindful Relationship
When we experience pain or friction in our relationships, it may be difficult to remain mindful. Feeling hurt we tend to close down and become hardened toward the other person. As we dwell in this dark, protected space we can see nothing but the cold stone walls created by pain. We create a rocky shell around our hearts that is meant to protect.
The Litany of the Wronged
With eyes closed we chant the litany of our defense; “I am right, they are wrong. They are so hurtful and I am just a victim. I must get them to go away, or admit their guilt and apologize. I will not let them hurt me again. I am hard as stone.”
Anger is Important
It is important that we be allowed to feel anger and it is human to want to defend ourselves when we feel wronged. As an alternative to simply reacting, a mindful path permits us to make compassionate yet effective choices, as we take good care of ourselves.
A mindful path flows like rushing water across the stone. We travel to a place of safety and resolution; a deep serene pool. Our heart is soft, spacious and moving.
How to begin
We start by taking very good care of the anger. Placing our mindful arms around it, we hold the anger with tenderness.
As we breathe, the stone around our hearts begins to sing and dissolve into the powerful currents of mindfulness. We become infused with the courage to face the difficulty with an open heart.
If your partner is mindful as well, the interaction can be one of mutual healing. Each person takes good care of their anger. Each person is able to take responsibility for whatever suffering they may have caused. Each person compassionately acknowledges the other. Deep understanding, resolution and growth occurs.
Encountering Anger
You might benefit from sitting with one experience of anger. Bring your mindful compassionate self (your Benevolent Witness) to hold your anger. See about refraining from judgment and criticism. Continue to focus on the breath and see what insights arise!
Breathing in I feel the breath in my body
Breathing out I allow my body to rest.
Breathing in I notice hurt and angry feelings.
Breathing out I gently hold them in my arms.
Breathing in I feel my difficulty.
Breathing out I know I am safe from harm.
Breathing in I am the softness of water, tempered with stone
Breathing out I am compassionate and powerful.
Breathing in I am the strength of stone dissolved in water,
Breathing out I cannot be broken.
May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.
-Ellen Adelman
© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.
Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute.
For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.
When we experience pain or friction in our relationships, it may be difficult to remain mindful. Feeling hurt we tend to close down and become hardened toward the other person. As we dwell in this dark, protected space we can see nothing but the cold stone walls created by pain. We create a rocky shell around our hearts that is meant to protect.
The Litany of the Wronged
With eyes closed we chant the litany of our defense; “I am right, they are wrong. They are so hurtful and I am just a victim. I must get them to go away, or admit their guilt and apologize. I will not let them hurt me again. I am hard as stone.”
Anger is Important
It is important that we be allowed to feel anger and it is human to want to defend ourselves when we feel wronged. As an alternative to simply reacting, a mindful path permits us to make compassionate yet effective choices, as we take good care of ourselves.
A mindful path flows like rushing water across the stone. We travel to a place of safety and resolution; a deep serene pool. Our heart is soft, spacious and moving.
How to begin
We start by taking very good care of the anger. Placing our mindful arms around it, we hold the anger with tenderness.
As we breathe, the stone around our hearts begins to sing and dissolve into the powerful currents of mindfulness. We become infused with the courage to face the difficulty with an open heart.
If your partner is mindful as well, the interaction can be one of mutual healing. Each person takes good care of their anger. Each person is able to take responsibility for whatever suffering they may have caused. Each person compassionately acknowledges the other. Deep understanding, resolution and growth occurs.
Encountering Anger
You might benefit from sitting with one experience of anger. Bring your mindful compassionate self (your Benevolent Witness) to hold your anger. See about refraining from judgment and criticism. Continue to focus on the breath and see what insights arise!
Breathing in I feel the breath in my body
Breathing out I allow my body to rest.
Breathing in I notice hurt and angry feelings.
Breathing out I gently hold them in my arms.
Breathing in I feel my difficulty.
Breathing out I know I am safe from harm.
Breathing in I am the softness of water, tempered with stone
Breathing out I am compassionate and powerful.
Breathing in I am the strength of stone dissolved in water,
Breathing out I cannot be broken.
May this information benefit you, those you love, and all sentient beings, everywhere.
-Ellen Adelman
© Ellen M. Adelman PhD 2013, all rights reserved.
Mind Body Intelligence tm is a trademark of Ellen M. Adelman PhD and the Sage Healing Institute.
For more information visit www.sagehealinginstitute.com.
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